Emily Jardine is a Psycho.

No biggie.

But fo' reals. Me and my mom and my neighbor were talking Friday night. We all decided that I have a nice little case of bulimic perfectionism.

Never heard of it? You live under a rock!

I'm just kidding. I made the name up.

But it makes sense. I do this thing were I am normally a perfectionist. I am super anal about everything, and everything turns out perfect, and everything looks perfect, and there is a perfect place for everything and everything is in a perfect place.

Until I have one failure. (Ex: I fail a quiz, I don't have time to clean my room for a few days, I have a really late night and end up super tired the next morning, etc, stuff like that...)

I look at that one failure as the beginning of the end, the point of no return, I freak out, I get all flustered and stressed out.

And then I just lose interest. I could care less.

And then a couple of weeks later I go, "GAHHH!!!! The perfectionist inside of me can't stand it any longer! I need to get back on my game!"

And the vicious cycle begins again.

I call it bulimic perfectionism because the perfectionism sort of binges and purges. Like bulimia. If you were still confused. ...

Now, I have zero problems with the first phase of this cycle. I like being a perfectionist, because things are organized, I am in control, and everything is perfect. HE-LLO! Who DOESN'T enjoy that?

It's the crash and burn and don't care anymore phases that bring me so much stress and heartache and bleghhh.

It's the part halfway through the semester when I fail a math test and it makes me question my skills, which makes me feel hopeless and in turn, I no longer give a hoot about math class.

It's the part where I walk into my bedroom and all of my clothes are on the floor and there are old water bottles strewn across a whole side of the room and I try not to look at it and I spend as little time in my bedroom as possible.

It's the part where I am up at almost midnight going, "Hey, it's been like this every night this week, why try to get any sleep now?"

What's wrong with me? I am such a freak!

This is why I love New Years. And this New Years is going to be the best one. Because I have finally realized my problem, and now there is something I can do about it.

I'll try to keep myself in my perfectionist phase for as long as I can, and when I have my little "failure", I'll go "D-OH! This is it! I can't let this get me all discouraged and stuff! Just keep swimming, Emily Jardine! Just keep swimming!"

That plan sounds too easy. I'll keep working at it.

Do they have bulimic perfectionist's anonymous?

Hmm...

P.S. If you did not understand a single bit of what I just said, don't worry about it. It was sort of me just talking to myself. If you did understand, and you dig what I'm layin' down, say "GENUPHOBIA!" (which is the fear of knees).