its a quarter after one, i'm all alone and i need you nooooww.

My title has nothing to do with anything, P.S.

And now it's time for...
Adventures in Beauty School!

In this episode, we find Emily Jardine working in dispensary, the little place in beauty school where supplies are distributed and laundry loads of towels are attended to. It was her and her friend Janice's turn to work in there today. As she's working (and by working we mean curling hair while jamming' out to lady antebellum--"whoah-a-whooaaah, just a kiss goooodniiiight"), she looks to her right, and her eyes bug out. Because her crazy beauty school friend, Janice is just chillin' there, using her pencil to write "easy a" on the dang-freaking WALL. Like, writing "easy a" on the school WALL. In big letters, too. NBD. So, Emily Jardine puts down here little Hot Tools curling iron and goes, "errrrrrrrrrm, hi Janice. What's shakin'? Hey, do you usually write "easy a" on public property? And, if so, ummm, why?" and Janice was all, "Emilyyyyy, it's no big deal." and Emily was like, "WhYyYy??? What seriously made you want to write that?" and Janice was like, "Emily. You're such a goodie-goodie." And Emily was like, "Whyyyy Easy A? If you're gonna do that, write something like "Down with the capitol", "Team Weasley" or "I have the Beiber fever." Because Easy A isn't even anything, about anything. So while Janice was putting some perm rods back, Emily went at that thing with a little eraser. She got through the "Eas" before Janice ran in and pushed her out of the way, restoring her meaningless graffiti to its former glory. "Emily, I'm so disappointed in you!" Janice whispered and left to go get more towels. Emily quickly grabbed a scrubbie sponge and wiped that thang off the dang wall! Because seriously, fools! Janice soon returned, and upon finding the affected area to be white as a q-tip, she was up in arms. "Emily!! I can't believe you would do that to me! Why can't I trust you? Oh! You just erased it! WhYyYy???" Emily Jardine gave Janice the awkward eyes, then walked away.

These are real-life events, people. This is how my life goes.

life is a big fat road trip.

so, i finished my personal progress yesterday.

*commence happy dance*
did you know i have the coolest happy dance ever?
you may or may not have known that.
well, people compliment me on it, like, always. seriously.
SOOOANYWAYSSSSS.
yeah. i just have to get my bishops interview tomorrow, and then i have young women in excellence on tuesday, so hopefully i'll get that lovely little medallion that night,so yeah. i'll pretty much be a babe.
a humble babe.

oh yeah, i almost forgot. i have a story.
it's kind of an old story. but whatevs.
so on tuesday, i was innocently sitting in the computer lab for 3rd hour english 101.
i was working intently on a film review for the movie minority report, when i heard someone pull into the chair next to me and SIGH. i didn't really notice this kid, because hello, i was kinda in the zone, people. but soon, he started asking me questions about the essay, what the teacher was looking for, things like that. then he rolled his little rollie chair to the other side of the room. okayyy.
soon, however, this kid was back. he asked me my name, and i told him. he told me he noticed i had a flower in my hair. good observation. and then he rolled away again. i was beginning to be weirded out.
i returned to my work. he rolled over again, and just kind of sat there. not even working on his essay. then my wonderful princess-friend victoria walked in (she was delivering something for another teacher or something) and she talked to me for a few minutes, alleviating the situation of the random awkward kid next to me. but as soon as she left, he turned to me again..
"so can i take you to homecoming?"

the thoughts running through my head: "whyyyyyyy is this happening to meeeeeee...." "i don't even really want friends in this class. i'm anti-social, and i want to work on my ESSAYS." and "i. don't. even. know. this. kid's. name."

i turned to him and tried to smile. "you know, i don't really know you. i don't feel comfortable going to homecoming with someone i've barely met."
he replied in the middle of my sentence, "oh, that's fine, that's fine, that's totally cool.... so you wanna have lunch together?"
I tried to answer, "I uhh--"
"Yeah, come on, yeahh?"
"Uh--"
"Okay. I deserve a hug. Gimme a hug."
sooooo i awkwardly (i didn't mean for it to be awkward, i was trying to be as friendly and nice and non-heartbreakerish as i could, but i was CERTAINLY not happy) put my arm around his back and immediately returned to my essay. then sporatically throughout the remainder of the period:
"hey so what do you like to do in your freetime?"
"you're really really pretty. maybe we should hang out."
"what's your favorite kind of music" (and when i told him i liked country best), "oh, COUNTRY? lame. i'm going to get you into rap."
yeah. this is NNNOOOTTT gonna fly.
i DEFINITELY did not get as much of that essay done as i would have liked to.
as class ended, the following conversation happened:
emily: "um, i need to go to my mom's classroom to get something from her."
kid: "oh, okay, can i come with you?"
emily: "i think i'll be fine on my own, thanks."
emily walks away faster than she ever has before.

so then i ran to my mom's classroom and whined the whole story to her.
"and now he's waiting for me out there! i wanna hide!"
"emily, it's just a boy. you are such a freak."
"yes, well. alright."
something like that.

so i went to lunch. ate at my regular lunch table. stood the kid up. and oh, yeah. my mom is friends with my 3rd hour teacher so i made her figure out for me what this kid's name was.

the next day, i went to the computer lab and sat by a girl who seemed nice and normal to me. i was left in peace the whole class period to make up for my lack of productivity the day before thank you very much. but at the end of class, he approached me.
"so was that a yes or a no?"
"yeah, uh, i'm sorry. i'm just really not interested right now. i'm not dating anyone, and i don't plan on it this year. that's all."
"yeah, me neither. totally too busy for that."
..okay. so i offered friendship:
"you can, uh, eat at my table with my friends if you'd like. that'd be cool."
"well, no, i don't know your friends. that would be awkward!"
i wanted to slap the kid. THAT would be awkward? how about the last 24 hours of my life?
so the next day he asked for my number, and since a few people had told me to not be a jerk, i gave it to him. i told him i only wanted to text on it, and he said he didn't have texting. which i think was a blessing. i have gotten a couple of voicemail messages, and if he asks, hey, i told him texting only.

i wish i went to an all-girls school, for aspiring mormon nuns.

pet peeves, and tabitha's salon takeover.

1. people who take choir for 6 years and haven't gotten any better because they are workophobics.

2. blingy nails, like so..

the insane amount of classiness baffles me. {sarcasm}

3. people who try to pull off this new middle part trend who can't. especially when they were bashing on it six months ago when it, you know, wasn't popular. wow. followers.

4. hollister. not even good quality. way too overpriced.

5. people who keep on sniffing incessantly and you just want to scream, "GO GET A TISSUE. DON'T BE SHY."

7. people who STILL wear cat ears. it was tolerable freshman year. but now, we're about to graduate high school. you're still not a cat.

8. ripped jeans. i don't really mind them on other people, as long as they're not gaping. i just can't stand wearing them..

9. mr. sargent, my choir teacher.

10. teachers who swear. seriously? i'm sitting here being more mature than you are. grow up and have some professionalism.

i'm not in a bad mood. actually i'm in a great mood. i usually am after watching an episode of tabitha. i love that woman.

"i'm tabitha, and i'm taking over."

she kind of rules the cosmetology world. isn't she intimidating? it's great. :)

Dear Mr. S,

I don't know whether I am pleased or displeased to inform you that I will not be continuing to take your class. I thoroughly enjoy singing in the choir, but the environment was not conducive to learning. I wish I could have stayed, but it just wasn't right.

Yeah. ....

Umm, heeyyy, I'm done beating around the bush. Let me tell you like it is. You were one of the worst teachers I have ever had.

You're right up there with the first grade teacher that wouldn't let me take the medication that allowed me to walk. Ya. She went there.

Anyway, I expect you are wondering why I have these hard feelings towards you? Let me tell you,
Oh let me tell you.

In no particular order of importance or chronology...

1. You made children cry in class with your harsh words of criticism.
One of those children may or may not have been me.

2. After you decided to criticize, you told me that I was the best soprano. Can you make up your mind? Thanks.

3. You are a grumpus in the rumpus about people who need to pee. Yes, I agree that that one girl went to the bathroom too often. But there was no need to scowl when the innocent had to do their business.

4. The hat rule. That was dumb. Plus, knit berets are not hats. Please let me wear my "hat". Especially on a day that...

5. You randomly decide to not teach class. We can see you in your office. WE KNOW YOU ARE THERE... Please TEACHER. TEACH us. You claim that you have so much to do, but I have yet to figure out what that is. You are a choir teacher. You don't have papers to grade, let alone huge essays. Nothing. Stop playing Farmtown or whatever it is you are doing in there and be a choir teacher.

6. So, we kind of don't care about your freaking long stories about how the conversation you had as you were having lunch with some obscure acapella group. Especially when we've already heard that story. Goodbye.

7. Absent much? Why didn't you show up to class? The last few weeks were excusable with your back problem. But other 50 or so absences? Hmm? I think that Camille taught us more than you did, and she is one of us. You owe her.

In short, you drove away potentially excellent choir students. The ones that were tough enough feel like they are not enough because you are unappreciative of the talent that comes your way. You have a bad temper, you yell and have child-like tantrums on an almost daily basis (well, the days you show up, anyways...), and you don't have the right to treat students the way you do.
Please stop being lazy, or stop teaching.

Yours (NOT!) truly,
Emily Jardine :)

Emily Jardine's Top 50 Pet Peeves

1. When people say "awesomeness". We don't need the -ness at the end.
2. Black nail polish. If it's got white flowers on it or something,
I can sort of see that, but plain black bothers me.
3. When boys wear a tee-shirt and a button-up shirt,
but they don't button up the button-up shirt.
So many Mormon boys are guilty of this.
4. Neon checkered stuff. Especially pants. Ack! Tacky!
5. People who have phone conversations while chewing. Ewwww.
6. When people use their straw to vacuum up the tiny bit of milkshake left at the bottom of the cup.
7. When people don't use napkins.
8. Words like LOL, ROFL, LMAO, BRB, TTYL, GR8, U (instead of you), R (instead of are), 2 (instead of to or too). GRR! Write it out!!
9. Purposely misspelling.
10. When people leave the cap off of the toothpaste.
11. People who cannot sing, but think that they can.
12. "Chipmunk" voices in songs.
13. The phrase "What up." Can somebody sound more stupid?
14. "Yo." Umm, hello.
15. People who talk obnoxiously loud so that everyone else is staring at them.
16. Ignorance. Um, hi. The world doesn't revolve around you. Move.
17. Obnoxious immaturity. Grr, grow up.
18. When people crack their neck.
19. When people say "basgetti" instead of "spagetti" when they're older than 8 years old.
20. Boys with skinny jeans.
21. Lo-Rise jeans. In other words, the only jeans any store ever sells these days. Why can't we have jeans that go up to our belly buttons instead of our butt cracks?
22. People (ages 12 or older) who don't use deoderant. Ohhh, please oh please oh please use it.
23. People who overdose their perfume. Um, ya, you smell really good. STOP.
24. When people write the title of their notes or something really big at the top of the page. I don't know why this bothers me. I just want people to write it normal size.
25. When people leave their hair on the shower wall. Ew. How does it even get there??
26. Toothpaste that gets in the sink or on the mirror. It happens all the time at my house.
27. People who think that stupidity is funny or cute. Get a brain, you moron.
28. People who put their feet up in the movie theater. Put. Them. Down.
29. Overuse of the word "like". "That is so, like, cute." "Is it like cute or is it cute?"
30. When people are too lazy to replace the toilet paper so they set the roll on top of the holder. GR.
31. The word "whatev". Is it really hard to say "whatev-er"??
32. When stores or stake dances have their music waay too loud.
33. External car speakers. You are way cool. Put you "cool" away.
34. When boys wear tank tops. Boys who wear tank tops kind of scare me. They look like scary gangsters.
35. Bad breath. "Tic-tac?"
36. The word "sick" being used as the word "cool". No, that movie was not sick. Your face is sick.
37. When there is too much ice in my drink. If it's half ice, half drink, I just got ripped off.
38. Tickling. This is my number one pet peeve. I. WILL. KILL. YOU.
39. People who break the handle off of mechanical pencils. That's destructive AND tacky.
40. When people poke someone else and say "Poke!" ....Do you want to die?
41. When people change their names so there is two "I"'s in it. For example: Danii, Kenzii, Marii...
42. When people neglect to color their roots.
43. Skater shoes. Bleck. It was fine in elementary school, and maybe even in junior high, but it's just tacky in high school.
44. Am I the only person that doesn't like fedoras very much? Don't kill me.
45. People who wear pajama pants to school. GET DRESSED.
46. People who write on their skin. STOP WRITING ON YOURSELF!! Get a pad of Post-It notes. That's what I do.
47. Bleached hair. Ya, that doesn't look fake at all.
48. Things hung on the wall without frames. I am guilty of it myself, because I understand that frames are expensive, but I sure wish it could be fixed.
49. Chipping nail polish. Mine is almost all the way chipped off right now. I. Need. To. Fix. It.
50. When people can't differentiate between "their", "they're", and "there"

The End