you know, hopes and dreams, and stuff.

there's so many things i want to be when i grow up. and i'm quite positive that i can mash all of these things into my life at once.

1. mama dearest

i love children. i can't wait to have a bunch of little munchkins and wipe goop off their little faces and read them books and such. and name them atticus and bianca. {i call DIBS on these names, people.}

2. Writer/journalist/legit.

it's my secret love. i really really really really love writing. my favorite is non-fiction and research type of stuff, but i do enjoy writing a story once and a while. and i should have you know that i once wrote a freestyle poem about the crucifixion of Christ, and it is like my pride and joy. ferrills.

3. cosmetologist. {only 7 more months until i'm done with beauty school!!}

oh tabatha coffey{aka my cosmetology idol}. i can only dream of being as cool as you. except for your potty mouth. just because you're british doesn't mean you can spit out every word you know in one episode. sheesh.

4. artist

i think i'll just move to rome for a year and paint on the side of the road, living off of spaghetti and italian sodas. but seriously, i love art. that's one of those talents that i really used to have, and i've neglected it for a while. i need to brush up on these skills...

5. thrift store owner

can i just do that?? because that would be SOME interesting experience, i tell you what.

6. motab member.

you're pretty much cool if you've been in the mormon tabernacle choir. i'd just have to live in utah while i do it. which would be fun for a period of time.

so yeah, basically i'm going to rule the world when i grow up.

P.S. So that last post where I pretty much made stuff up about my "dream apartment?" Yeah that was weird, huh. I did that for a scholarship, but they didn't get back with me on it. So that's what that was all about. Just lettin' ya know.

a little early to be worrying...

I have a whole 8 months to decide this, but of course, being the Emily that I am, I am freaking out. Now.

I have 3 choices in community colleges next year. Two are both somewhat near to my house, where my mama is. But one is about 3 hours away. There are pro's and cons for both of these.

Nearby college pros:

~Mother dearest

~Hometown

~Cheaper

~Not having to live on my own

Faraway college pros:

~Best friend will be roomate

~Beautiful small town

~Great school

~New experience

Aah. I'm scared to be three hours away. I can't even drive right now. I mean, of course I'll learn by then, but gosh!

But it would be so exciting and fun to go afar! With my best friend! Come on, people! We'd have such a good time! And it's such a good school! And it's only 2 years! (O.o) Of course, I'd have to come up with some more money than what I've got. And I'd have to find a job over there. What if I couldn't find a job?? I'd be done for, people. Done for.

I really wish I would have listened to my mother when I was 12 and making bank off of babysitting jobs, when she said "Put it in a college fuuuund!" Oh how I wish I hadn't used that cash to buy my heart's fill of High School Musical t-shirts and Lizzie McGuire CDs. Silly child.

Well there's my venting for the day. I'm better.

Caught in between 10 and 20

I had a freakout on Saturday.

It went a little bit like this:"OHEMGEEEI'MASENIORANDIWON'TBEACHILDMUCHLONGERAND
I'LLHAVETOMOVEOUTOFTHENURSERYSOPETERPANWON'TBEABLE
TOESCORTMETONEVERLANDANYMORE
ANDI'LLHAVETOGROWUP."

Don't worry. If you didn't understand that, I'm totally going to explain.

So on Saturday, Keaton had his Boy Scouts eagle project. Between YCL meetings in the morning and a babysitting job in the evening, I wasn't able to help out. Therefore, many hours were spent at home alone, pondering.

I realized while I was pondering, that I am really REALLY graduating from high school in less than one year. In less than one year, I will be a certified cosmetologist. I will have a diploma. When I speak of high school, it will be in past tense. I will be an adult.
I will have to go out into the world and get a job. I will have to pay for college, as well as a car to get to college. I am lucky that I won't have house, phone, electricity, food bills to pay. Many of my friends won't be so fortunate.
I won't be in the Young Women program. I will join my mother, and many other mothers, in Relief Society, where I will not learn about preparing to make temple covenants, but to keep them and provide for a family. Or I will go to a Singles Ward, where everyone goes if they want a husband.
I will make major life decisions. I will choose a career to major in. I will decide where I'd like to live. I will begin looking for a husband. I will decide whether I will get married or go on a mission. I will decide whether to stay in the valley for university college or to venture out on my own. But I have to make these decisions myself. No one can make these ones for me.

As this all settled in my mind, I felt kind of sick. My childhood is coming to a close. I always told myself it would, but it seemed unrealistic for me to ever not be a child! I mean, I've never NOT been a child {obviousness}.

So, I freaked out and hyperventilated and all that jazz for five to ten minutes. Then it came to me.

High school has prepared me for this.
Seminary has prepared me for this.
Beauty school has prepared me for this.
Young Women has prepared me for this.
My mother has prepared me for this.

My whole life has been spent preparing, preparing, preparing for THIS.

Here I am. The preparation's been a fun time.
And in one year, I am going to show society how well I've prepared.

Watch out, world. I'm not scared of you.

{100 Years by Five For Fighting}