Emily Jardine Writes a Strongly Worded Letter.

Dear DownEast Basics,

I would like to let you know that I am basically in love with your clothes. They should call you "Emily Jardine's Boutique of Clothes That Were Designed Just For Emily Jardine". Seriously. I go onto your website and dream the day away.

However, despite this adoration for your merchandi

se, I loathe you. That's right. Unadulterated LOATHING. Do you know why? Maybe you do, because every time I get a rush of this hatred, I exclaim it a little too loudly

right within your store. ...Awkard. Anyway, maybe you don't, because you OBVIOUSLY have not even tried to fix this problem that has arisen. Let me tell you. OH. Let ME tell YOU.

Let me demonstrate by telling you a story. Once upon a time there was a girl named Emily Jardine. Emily Jardine got a date to the winter (semi)formal dance, and she wanted to buy herself a fancy skirt/shirt ensemble for said dance. So she went online to her beloved downeastbasics.com and found this loveliness:

Matched with a black long sleeved shirt and a pair of textured tights, this skirt would make the perfect semiformal outfit for the semiformal dance. Emily Jardine had little cartoon hearts coming out of her head. So she mozied on over to the local DownEast Basics store. She found the skirt right away, and turned over the tag: Extra Extra Small. She picked up the next one: XL. Another:XXL. XS. XXS. XL. XS. XS. XS. SERIOUSLY??? So she turned around, now grumped out by her crushed dream. But never fear, for everything in DownEast Basics was MADE for Emily Jardine. She saw this:

She fell even more in love with it than the gray one. So she turned tags yet again: XXL, XL, L, XSS, XS, XS, XS. She was so desperate, she grabbed an XS and an L. She normally fits into a S or sometimes M. She continued to look for SOMETHING that was in her actual size.

NOTHING, PEOPLE. LITERALLY NO skirts in size S or M. What the cuss.

So Emily Jardine tried on the L sized black skirt. It was all baggy and slipping down. Next. She tried on the XS. It fit. But as she started checking herself out in the mirror (you know how it goes..), she started losing the feeling in her waist. Never mind then...

She tried on the other skirts, all ill-fitting and not even that cute.

She grumbled out loud as she passed right by the store clerks and put her failed things back.

She was a total brat about it, I know.

So then she watched Voyage of the Dawn Treader (which was INCREDIBLE by the way), and went home.

She wasn't done yet. She went online and googled the name of that black skirt to see if she could purchase it online. Guess what. It didn't even exist on downeastbasics.com anymore. And if that weren't enough, she went back to that gray skirt online, and they were all out of grey ones. They only had black ones. So she went "sigh. A'ight." And went to "Tees and Camis" to find a long sleeved shirt in maybe gray or cream colored to go with this new black skirt.

THE ENTIRE DOWNEAST BASICS COMPANY ONLY HAS BLACK AND WHITE LONG SLEEVED SHIRTS LEFT.

Facepalm, Downeast Basics. Facepalm.

What do you want me to do, DownEast Basics? What do I do now?

Did you know that I trusted you? Did you know that I cradled myself in your arms, and you just dropped me into a hypothetical swimming pool, DownEast Basics? I can't swim, DownEast Basics. I can't swim.

What I'm trying to say, DownEast Basics, is:

You WIN:

-At making the cutest clothes on the planet.

-At making reasonable necklines and skirt lengths.

You epically FAIL:

-At providing sizes that NORMAL people wear. You know.. Small?...Medium?...Large? You know, the sizes that 97.348 women and girls wear??

-At having anything in stock. Pull it together dude!

I am heartbroken. It's like I can't even look at your clothes anymore, for fear of false hopes. Not even kidding.

Good day to you.

-Emily Jardine.

P.S. I am aware that I really am being kind of a brat. False hopes bring out the brat in Emily Jardine. Especially when I made a whole plan.

P.P.S. Hey, DownEast Basics. FAIL. In case you didn't get it the first time.

P.P.P.S. Harsh. I know. Oh well.